Funky Town

“We have to learn to be our own best friends because we fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies.”

Roderick Thorp, Rainbow Drive

 

Lately I have been in a funk and its time to take the first bus out of Funky Town! I made the decision last week that right now is not the time for me to go to those counseling sessions. Part of me had a really hard time making this decision because I don’t want to run from the issues I need to deal with regarding things like my Father’s death…but the other part of me felt a great sense of relief when I changed and then canceled my sessions. I have said before that this is an emotional journey and it is but while I do need to deal with things some of them are not going to be easy overnight fixes. These problems will still be there if I put them back up on the shelf for a few months. Its not that I will completely not deal with them but bringing them that much to the surface was causing more problems than it was good right now. I have to pass my classes! I feel like I need to revisit this while im on a break from school so it does not distract me from school. I also feel like I probably need to see someone who is licensed, not a grad student(although I did like her).

With all these emotions going on and some major deadlines and test at school my workouts and eating habits have been very sporadic. Some days I would do great others were more like well I already got off track so screw it for the rest of the day. My focus right now is on gaining some consistence again.  For my nutrition class I had to do a diet/energy analysis for 3 days, 2 week days and 1 weekend day. What I realized in doing this is that tracking makes a HUGE difference for me. Right now I need to make the effort to track everything! The days I had logged as my day went on and had a running total of my calories were all close to goal where as the days I did not log and just tallied up at the end of the day(or the next day) were almost double the calories. I also got to see what my energy output for EVERYTHING during my day was compared to my calorie intake and it’s no wonder I’m just hanging out where I am. I consume on average days that I don’t track what I would need to maintain my current weight in comparison to my energy output. Which also tells me if I would put in even just the minimum effort to track and control my calorie intake every day I would loose weight. I have enough activity daily, I just eat around it so there is  no loss. I also got to see what areas in my diet I had some major deviancies!

The program we use for this class to do this is called MyDietAnalysis, while it is not meant for every day tracking you can input a week at a time. It is pretty inexpensive and goes into a lot more detain than websites such as MyFitnessPal or SparkPeople. (both of which I like)

Current weight: 196.4 lbs

Loss: +.4

Mood: stressed

Goal this week: CONSISTANCY!

Peace, Love and Happy Blogging

M

WTH

Ok what the hell happened today!?! I woke up early in a supper good mood, had all these plans for stuff I needed to do, had my coffee..wrote a blog post and it all went downhill from there. Instead of going to the gym right at 1 like I had planned I opted for a nap, telling myself I would go after and then study for my test tomorrow. I woke up with my BG a little low after my nap and had to treat that but other than that nothing really happened to set my mood off. I went from good to really crappy in no time flat.Never did make it to the gym in time for me to be able to take my daughter, ate complete crap for dinner and way to much of it. Valentines is tomorrow and I am single but that really isnt bothering me so wtf where did this mood come from ??? I sure hope its gone by morning! I swear these counseling sessions have my emotions all over the place.

Part of me wants to quit and just not deal with it right now, maybe im not ready to and the other part of me knows its good for me. I seriously think I am calling in the morning though and canceling my Tuesday session and trying to see if I can reschedule it for Friday. If I cant do that when I do go Tuesday I plan on trying to change my day for sure! Here’s to hoping for a better Monday!

Like Dory Says….

“Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming, …. Just keep swimming”

Dory, Finding Nemo

I haven't really posted much in a couple weeks…just haven't felt like I had much to offer or was willing to put out there at the time. These past couple weeks have been very emotional for me. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I have started going to weekly counseling sessions that are bringing up some of these emotions. I have a class this semester where we had the  option of either doing weekly journal’s or going to a minimum of 3 counseling sessions. The sessions are also with a grad student not a licensed councilor but the GS I got seemed to click so I plan on continuing these sessions. Besides who cant use a little counseling, especially when its free! Because it is through this class I can continue through the end of fall semester at no charge.

Right now I have been doing my sessions on Tuesday’s after class but I think I am going to try and change them after this week to hopefully a Friday afternoon. Right now talking about the loss of my Father and the circumstances surrounding that just leave me drained for at least the rest of the day if not another day or so after which is really not helping me with school. Part of me wants to just quit going now that I have filled the requirement for my class but I know it is/will be good for me. All of these emotions have led to more comfort foods than it should. Hopefully If I can move the sessions to Friday’s it will be less stressful not having to worry if an assignment is due the next day.

On a Brighter note I have also been seriously working on attempting some time management. It is helping but being the fly by the seat of my pants kinda girl that I am, I am still fighting it. I find that even if I don’t go back and look at my planner every day, because I took the time to plan out my week in advance and know I have scheduled myself things like workouts or specific homework time I feel more obligated to do it. It also helps that I am held accountable for my time management right now, knowing that I will have to tell someone how my week went as far as my “plan” gives me accountability. Yes I could lie and just say oh it went well…but how will that help me improve myself. No all of my “plans” aren't working out, some crazy things have come up the past couple weeks but it’s a start. I even managed to get in 4 workouts this week!

My point in all this rambling…working on a better you is not just about the outside, you have to work on the whole you! Make plans, goals…remember this can be an emotional ride. Working on both the inside and the outside is not easy and sometimes the inside stuff is harder to deal with than the outside but the results will be worth it in the end. Its never a perfect journey but as long as you keep going that’s what counts. While I have given in to some serious comfort foods these past 2 weeks and last week I did not work out at all this week I put in 4 good workouts. It is about the big picture, it doesn't happen over night. I didn’t get this way overnight. “Success is not a result of spontaneous combustion, You have to set yourself on fire!”

Current Weight: 195 lbs.
Goals for this week:
Get my H2O in (I think this will always be a struggle)
Work out 5 days including 3 non-gym
Eat more Fruits and Veggies nom nom nom

Just for fun here is a couple pics from my walk yesterday at the park with my daughter scootering along with me (2.29 miles)

You know I looked HOT wearing a JoBro mini backpack haha!

My view of my little Scooter Girl

Peace, Love and Happy Blogging

M

Holy crap, I’ve done it now!

 “Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.”

T.S. Eliot

Today I made the scariest most exciting decision of my life deciding to go ahead and officially register for the half marathon I plan to do! In case you don’t remember my goal is to run a half marathon before my 30th birthday on June 14, 2011. The event I have chosen is called the Downhill @ Dawn Half Marathon in Ridgecrest, NC on June 5th, 2011. There was a race a few weeks earlier here in the city I live in but it was all on trails, where I can so see myself tripping on a root and getting hurt lol…besides the one I choose will be a beautiful race. The North Carolina Mountains are gorgeous!!! 

I am so excited, scared, nervous, determined to do this. I decided to go ahead and register now because I needed it to be official and know that I cant just change my mind or back out …the registration fee is non-refundable. I need the deadline to be official and it helped that I had the money to actually pay my fee right now hehe . 

The past week or two I have felt myself getting off track, again. I have been going through a lot of emotions and ups and downs. The self-doubt has been creeping back in and this will give me some perspective again. It’s not just about loosing weight or even just getting healthy, this journey is about a better me. It is about doing things I never thought I could do before and would never have even considered trying before. Will it be easy..no..will I want to give up…probably many times but im determined not to even if I have to crawl across that finish line!

Peace, Love and Happy Blogging

M