“Other things may change us, but we start and end with family”
Well All my super motivation has finally waned. The stress of the end of the semester, finals, the holiday and end of the month bills has set in. Thankfully none of my exams are back to back so that will ease things.
The Easter holiday is bitter sweet this year. While I enjoyed time with my family yesterday, I miss my Dad. Well I miss having parents at all really. The one year anniversary of my fathers death is coming up in less than 6 weeks and needless to say I wish I could just skip past it. I find myself jealous of the things my Aunts and Uncles do with their individual families. It hurts my feelings when I feel forgotten, like when I don’t get called to tell when, where and if we are doing anything for Easter until the day before. The holidays bring up all kinds of emotions. With both my parents gone, being single and an only child, the holidays leave me with moments where I feel very isolated and alone. I have tried mentioning to my Aunts my desire to be included in their individual families more, but it doesn't happen. I don’t like asking to be included…I want them to remember and want to ask me and not just feel like I have interjected myself into the situation. It makes me feel like im winning and all “woe is me, poor Misty”.
I desperately miss having the option that if I just want to get out of the house I could just go over to one of my parents houses. No calling, no not knowing what's going on to have to even wonder if they are home, no asking …just being able to show up and walk in. No agenda really other than to stare at their walls instead of mine and have some company and adult conversation.
All of this has left me the past few days just kind of existing. All the oomph I had discovered these past few weeks has been sucked out. While I haven stopped working out or gone back to emotional eating…I feel like I’m just not pushing as hard or really putting in the effort. I feel like im just going through the motions. I know I will not always go at 110% and I need to feel these emotions and heal. This doesn't mean I like it. These last few weeks have felt grate and these last few days have sucked. Hopefully this funk will wear off within the next day or so with the distraction of finals.
(side note..wow this was really not the post I intended)
I hope everyone has had a wonderful Easter Holiday
Peace, Love and Happy Blogging