Sunday, April 24, 2011

Family…

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“Other things may change us, but we start and end with family”

 Anthony Brandt quotes

 

Well All my super motivation has finally waned. The stress of the end of the semester, finals, the holiday and end of the month bills has set in. Thankfully none of my exams are back to back so that will ease things.

 

The Easter holiday is bitter sweet this year. While I enjoyed time with my family yesterday, I miss my Dad. Well I miss having parents at all really. The one year anniversary of my fathers death is coming up in less than 6 weeks and needless to say I wish I could just skip past it. I find myself jealous of the things my Aunts and Uncles do with their individual families. It hurts my feelings when I feel forgotten, like when I don’t get called to tell when, where and if we are doing anything for Easter until the day before.  The holidays bring up all kinds of emotions. With both my parents gone, being single and an only child, the holidays leave me with moments where I feel very isolated and alone. I have tried mentioning to my Aunts my desire to be included in their individual families more, but it doesn't happen. I don’t like asking to be included…I want them to remember and want to ask me and not just feel  like I have interjected myself into the situation. It makes me feel like im winning and all “woe is me, poor Misty”.

 

I desperately miss having the option that if I just want to get out of the house I could just go over to one of my parents houses. No calling, no not knowing what's going on to have to even wonder if they are home, no asking …just being able to show up and walk in. No agenda really other than to stare at their walls instead of mine and have some company and adult conversation.

 

All of this has left me the past few days just kind of existing. All the oomph I had discovered these past few weeks has been sucked out. While I haven stopped working out  or gone back to emotional eating…I feel like I’m just not pushing as hard or really putting in the effort. I feel like im just going through the motions. I know I will not always go at 110% and I need to feel these emotions and heal. This doesn't mean I like it. These last few weeks have felt grate and these last few days have sucked. Hopefully this funk will wear off within the next day or so with the distraction of finals.

 

(side note..wow this was really not the post I intended)

 

I hope everyone has had a wonderful Easter Holiday

Peace, Love and Happy Blogging

M

7 comments:

  1. It's always the holidays I feel lonely for family so I can relate to this. It's just me and my bf in Florida and all of our family is scattered around the world.

    Is there any cousin you could confide in that you are close to?

    I hope you feel better and have a wonderful Easter holiday too!

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  2. I can relate only in that my family is 1000 miles away. I don't have much of a relationship with them. I try my hardest to have one. I call on Sundays to let them know I am still alive, it started as a way to ease their fear of me being so far away, now they don't know that the calls are more for me.
    I feel so distant from them.
    I live in this state where my only family is really Robb. His aunt lives here as well, and we spend *ALL* the holidays there because she is the only one here. While I appreciate the invitation it is not the same. My family traditions are different and while I dont miss the fighting I miss some of the food and the feeling of them (hello grandpops bacon stuffing at thanksgiving, and ham not turkey on easter).
    My family back home in PA kinda fell apart in recent years, they dont do well contacting eachother and getting together, after my grandfather passed this last year they vowed to get together more nothing like not having phone numbers or addresses to let people know of his passing to show you how out of touch you are! we shall see how it goes.
    Family is so hard to deal with, whether it is because of hurt feelings or other things, it is just hard.
    I find myself needing my family more lately, i dont know if it is because of all the changes going on in my life with my health or what but I kinda know what you are feeling. I have no relationship with my family.
    Maybe like safire said you could try confiding in a cousin, but again i understand just wanting to be included not having to ask or remind people to include you.

    Things will get better babes *big huggs* You will make it through this.

    (lets see if this posts i have rewritten this 4 times now aparently i cant post as a WP user)

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  3. thanks ladies I did say something...and the response I got from my aunt was well why dont you come to church with us. Which was nice but I dont want to go to a Baptist church, im not baptist, especially the extreme southern baptist church that she attends. I also said something to a cousin..we will see if anything changes, hopefully it will at least a little

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  4. Wow. My heart goes out to you.

    My hubs lost both of his parents fairly recently, so I understand how difficult that anniversary is..

    I'm sending you big virtual hugs right now..

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  5. Thank you, I wold give anything to even argue with them again

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  6. BAH! Going to church has nothing to do with being included in family activities. What a PITA! *smacks her around!*
    If you lived closer we could do holidays together :)

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  7. Thanks Kris! Holidays themselves arent the issue...I see them for holidays but the issue is after Christmas its 4 months till Easter and after Easter its another 7 months till Thanksgiving I have a couple cousin's that I do things with every now and then in the inbetween times but that's it ...and I have over 30 who live within a 15 mile radius. (Which is also why I tend to feel forgotten when they do things being as they are so close). I used to have awesome friends who filled those gaps until I moved out to the sticks to be close to my Dad, who has since passed. I still have those friends but they all now live 40-60 minuets away . Thanks for the support ladies this was not meant to be a woe is me post just venting some emotions.

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