Monday, May 30, 2011

Rockstars!


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Priorfatpack Rockstars!

I am so proud of all the #priorfatpack members doing the 5k. Some it was their first event, some were pro’s but they all are finishing. Super Stars in my book! 
 
While I couldn’t be there to do the 5K today with all of the pack I had my own victory of sorts. I am down another pound since my last weigh in, despite not having worked out since last Monday. With school starting and adjusting to a new schedule it just didn’t happen. Despite all my emotional roller coasters this week my eating has been on track for the most part. Some days I didn’t make the best choices but there was still moderation. 
Kris Sent me this from the Race
 I am so ecstatic with this pound. It shows me that I am making progress, not just with the scale but with life in general. It shows me that I am learning to deal with things in a way other than burying my feelings with food.

My goals for this week are to first and foremost Kick some serious biology ass tomorrow and rock this test! After that I want to get in the gym at least 3 times. In June my goal is also to bust out of the 190’s and find the 180’s for the first time in 2 years or so!

Peace, Love and Happy Blogging
M

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Because I knew you


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Amazing things will happen. Work hard. Keep going.

Lately I feel like I have been putting a lot of fluff into my blog. I have had some things going on that I just was  not ready to put out there for blogger world. It has been like trying to not talk about the giant pink elephant in the room. I don’t know that not sharing has helped. While I have shared with people off my blog, it still seems like I'm hiding something. At least it feels that way to me.

This last month has been an emotional rollercoaster dealing with all this. While I feel like I am a mess and not managing Fairy Godmother tells me that I am doing wonderfully. She keeps reminding me that although there may be tears, I AM doing! She reminds me that even when I feel like I am in crisis mode like last Monday that instead of giving up and throwing in the towel I do what needs to be done and I keep trudging on. She reminds me that I have more to deal with on a daily basis than most people managing two people’s chronic illness’s and I still manage to get it done. Fairy Godmother is in my corner. She gives me reality but also positiveness at the same time. Any criticism she has is constructive without having the feeling of a negative undertone that I get from some of my support system. Yes part of this is her job and well to be honest what she gets paid for but she has gone above and beyond that.
Fairy Godmother along with some really great friends (Kris, Sabrina, Meredith, Corryn, Simon…ok the list goes on I am loved) reminds me that even when dealing with all of this turmoil this past month I have persevered and things are getting taken care of. They along with things like #gothedist and the #priorfatpack show me that I can do this. Even with everything going on I still managed to put in 84 miles in May. I still managed to loose about 5 pounds. All the stuff going on has either been resolved or is in the process of being resolved. I did this.

With summer session starting at school, blogger land and my workouts have taken a back burner this week. Well I worked out Monday, but that was all she wrote for the week. (does walking 4 blocks in 95 degree heat to get to class count) I am taking a five week biology class with a lab that may or may not strip me of any remaining sanity I have left!

What’s my point in all this rambling you ask? Things will happen, stressful situations will come up. It’s just part of life. Part of this journey is learning to cope with these things without completely sacrificing your goals and/or sabotaging yourself. If you don’t have a support system, find or build one. If you have things you need to deal with or get out, find someone to listen. Find whatever it takes to keep you positive and motivated. If you need to cry, cry. Crying can be healing. If you need to quit, quit. Sometimes we all need to quit, right then and there and say to hell with this. We can do this, take a moment and start over a few minuets later. We need to feel the feelings that have been shoved under food, drugs, partners or whatever our coping mechanism is for all or most of our lives. YOU can do this! I can do this!

Peace, Love and Happy Blogging

#PFP5K love

 

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Awesomeness! I <3 these people!

 

Ok for those of you wondering what in the world is #priorfatpack. It’s a group of support and friends that started over twitter one night. It’s love, understand, support, encouragement and of course awesomeness! Its people of all different shapes, sizes, ages, places in this journey called healthiness. Some are just starting, some are at goal. It doesn't matter…it’s all about that positive push to be better! A better you! That is about as specific as I can get….#priorfatpack is just awesomeness, plane and simple. Since this little group got started I have come to truly care about each and every one of these people. Some I even wonder how I lived without. No, most of these people I have not actually met other than through blogs, twitter, Facebook, instant message and the phone but its so much more than that.

 

This weekend Just about all of the Prior Fat Pack is gathering together up in Minnesota for some bonding, meet and greet fun and of course we cant forget a 5k on Monday. While not all of the pack is from Minnesota, most are. I just happen to be one of the ones not from there so unfortunately I will have to miss this weekend’s fun and the 5k on Monday. I really hate this!

 

Even without my secret superhero’dness self to be there and get my 5K on with the pack I know everyone will be Rock Stars and show ‘em how it’s done! Good Luck Pack!

 

Peace, Love, Happy Blogging and 5K a$s kickin

M

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Wordless Wednesday…Pack mentality

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Peace, Love and Happy Blogging

M

The Good, the bad and the ugly


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Well blogger world if you cant tell I have started classes again, which means that blogging has hit a lull. Here’s a little recap on things so far and some decisions that had to be made.

Ok what first…the good, the bad, or the ugly.

Let’s start with the ugly. If you follow me on twitter you may have noticed a huge F bomb drop on Monday. While I may say something every once in a while I don’t typically use the F bomb on twitter and don’t ever use it on facebook. Monday for me was spent in crisis and melt down mode the majority of the day. While I thought I had [this] resolved come to find out it was not completely resolved. [This] includes some problems with school that caused a massive problem with my financial aid and although I thought I had dotted all my “I’s” and crossed all my “T’s” there was a huge mess. I went in Monday to get my aid so that I could get my books before class started and found out that not only was I not able to get that but also my aid was going to have to be completely re-done also leaving my massive tuition bill unpaid. This meant not only could I not get books but also my classes would be dropped by today if left unpaid. Needless to say after dealing with [this] the past 2 weeks, thinking that it was over….this threw me into major crisis and meltdown mode. I’m talking office full of people and I can’t help but cry, lookin’ like Rudolph, snot everywhere,  nervous breakdown in my car, more crying, panic, panic, panic. I know it may not seem like that huge of a deal to some but for me with everything else right now it threw me over the edge.

This gave me panic and anxiety at a level I have not felt in a long, long time. Had I not already been in therapy and on medication for anxiety I truly do not know how I would have handled it. While there were lots of tears I still had to do what needed to be done. I had to fix this. I had to go to class. I managed to pull it together enough to go to class, but that was about it as far as I got for turning off the water works. By about 4pm I finally managed to pull it together with the help of some awesome friends, my aunt and the rockstar that is Fairy Godmother. Fairy Godmother (my therapist) had found out I was having a hard day and  called me spending over half an hour on the phone with me, is that not awesome or what! I sure needed it and I have the best therapist in the world.

I also received a bit of perspective thanks to my friend Kris up in Minnesota. She reminded me that I could be in Priorfatgirl Jen’s situation and that at least I was not having to deal with a tornado just having hit my home. That, indeed yes, it could be worse. In case you have been under a rock and don’t know the country as a whole has had some crazy weather and there were over 20 tornado’s within one day all over the country. Minnesota, Missouri and Oaklahoma were some of the hardest hit. Sometimes when we are in crisis mode we need a bit of perspective to give us that reality check that indeed yes we can deal with a situation. (Thanks Kris)

The good…..My first day back of classes eventually settled down, things were taken care of and the problems are being resolved.

The bad news is (ok it’s really not bad but it was a sad decision on my part) I also decided Monday that my upcoming half marathon I had registered to walk is a bad idea. Between all the problems with my knee and all of [this] going on it is just not the right time. I need to focus on school and make sure as well that I don’t injure myself permanently just to complete this.

Now I'm not giving up on this goal, just postponing it. I think it is time to see a doctor about my knee’s and keep it to some low impact workouts for a while. I do feel that in combination with the bone density problems I have a lot of this is directly related to what’s left of this weight I need to get off. I am finding that for the most part as long as I stay in the gym on either the elliptical or bike I don’t have that much of a problem, but when I take it outside or on the dreadmill I do. The impact of carrying around all this extra weight while trying to hit the pavement is taking it’s toll. It has gone from just some aches after a workout that day to when I hit the pavement it takes days (like 3 or more) for the pain to subside again. It is defiantly time to step back and talk to a pro to see what I need to do about this.

Now this dosent mean I am going to just quit working out but it does mean that I am going to limit myself to just gym time and cut the outdoor workouts for a while. (boo)

Talk about a serious case of the Monday’s!

Peace, Love and Happy Blogging
M

Monday, May 23, 2011

First day jitters

 

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No its not the start of the school year for my Daughter, but it is the start of a new term for me tomorrow. The start of a new term at school always brings on first day jitters as well as excitement. This will be a very intense summer of two 5 week sessions to get in a full semester’s worth of information. The first session I will have biology and a lab for it and the second session I will have college algebra. These classes seem like a dream compaired to the past year of chemistry classes. Hopefully I will follow my past history for these classes and do very well. The fun part (insert sarcasm here) will be the 2 days I have my lab and ill be in class for almost 6 hours with only a 30 minuet break this first session. 

 

What does all this mean for my healthiness journey…lots of class and study time. It means I will have to go back to scheduling myself almost down to the minuet so that I have time to get in workouts. It means planning ahead especially on those lab days so that I get a lunch that is healthy. It means memorial day when all of the #priorfatpack is running the 5k up in Minnesota I’ll be here in NC …in class! I hate that I cant make it up for this but of course school comes first. This is the hard part about having some of the best friends in the world spread all over the country.

 

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If you are wondering what #priorfatpack is, well it all started with twitter one night. A group of some awesome people all were tweeting away about this upcoming 5k and suddenly the #priorfatpack was born. I <3 all the other 26 members of the #priorfatpack. I couldn’t ask for more support or love from them. Everyone keeps everyone so motivated both individually and as a group we accomplish some truly amazing things. While I cant make the 5k I will be doing my own private one here in NC sportin my #priorfatpack bondiband. (because yes, I to am cool like that)

 

What Keeps you motivated? Or who?

 

Peace, Love and Happy Blogging

M

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Weekend Not Fitbloggin

If you are on twitter you may have noticed that there was a little something something going on called Fitbloggin. I was not able to attend this year because …well I didn’t know about it until it was to late for me to really plan for it financially. I can tell you one thing though I will be all up in some Fitbloggin next year! I can’t wait! In the mean time here is what my weekend looked like…not Fitbloggin :

 

Yesterday I took my daughter and we headed to the park so Mommy could put some miles in. No agenda really on a specific time or distance, just having fun! Here are some pictures from our adventure Smile

 

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Look what we saw! It was not even 10 feet up on a tree branch and just sat there pretty as could be for me to play photographer….

 

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How cool is that! We ended up doing just over 4 miles with me walking and her scootering along on her razor, with a nice swing break in the middle. Who cant resist the swings right. We had so much fun! We had gone to a new park that we didn’t k now the trails on so at every intersection I let her pick which way she wanted to go. The park we went to is pretty cool, its an old battle ground so there are lots of cool monuments and a veterans memorial.

 

It is so important on this journey if you have kid’s to include them in your new lifestyle. My daughter loves our trips to the park now that we never used to do. She has fun going to the kids center at my gym. She likes trying new foods and finding healthy things to eat. She also tells me I did a good job when I tell her what I did that day on days I don’t take her with me. This is teaching her to be healthy when she grows up. I do make a point to focus on health and not “loosing weight” or being “skinny”. I want her to have a good body image of herself and not worry about size so much when she gets older but about being healthy.

 

Now for the rest of my weekend recap…

 

Friday I got some supper awesome news about [this]. For those of you who I have talked to privately and know what [this] is ..everything worked out, thank God! I still have a few things to take care of but it will be fine.

 

Today I am enjoying my last day off relaxing because Summer School starts tomorrow! I will have 2 sessions 5 weeks long of classes 4 days a week. It will be very intense and face paced but I like it because it does not give me any time to procrastinate. It also ends before I have a chance to get bored with the class which is nice. The first session ill be taking a biology and the second will be a math class, both of which will seem like a breeze after this past year filled with chemistry classes(yuck). We are going to head to the park again today, but just for her to play(Mommy’s knee is bothering me) and then to the gym for some bike miles.

 

I hope everyone has a great week!

 

Peace, Love and Happy Blogging

M

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Just a little Brag


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Last week while on twitter I was talking with Tricia (@TriciaRunning) from Endurance isn’t only physical about redesigning blogs when she mentioned she really wanted to do her’s. An awesome blog deserves an awesome design right. I offered to help her by designing a custome header for her and helping her do a new layout. I have to say I even impressed myself! Check out the header:

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Pretty sweet, huh? Think evolution meets weight loss journey meets running. If you aren't familiar with her blog make sure you check it out. She has some really great things to say about her journey and running(and just happens to be supper Awesome).

Thanks for letting me Brag Smile

Peace, Love and Happy Blogging 
M

Thursday, May 19, 2011

It works if you work it…make it work for you

 

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Lately with all [this] going on I have found myself having to really fight to control my eating again. I guess I have not grown quite as much emotionally as I thought. It just goes to show that this journey is for life, not for now. I will always be a work in progress and I’m ok with that. These past two weeks dealing with [this] have been one hell of an emotional rollercoaster. My eating last week for sure went to crap and I still find myself fighting to make good decisions this week. There is  no reason to find myself watching tv with the kid with a box of apple jacks in my hand, I need to feel these emotions. I need to remember these emotions so that [this] does not happen again. Sorry I’m being so cryptic but I still have not decided if [this] will make it to blogger world.

 

While I have not completely lost control of my choices the old habits for sure are trying to creep back in. I have been emotionally fat Misty (EFM). EFM says screw this hand it over. EFM says ohhmmmgee my world is going to falling apart. EFM says I can’t do this! Rational me knows I can handle this, whatever the outcome of [this], it is what is meant to happen and I need to learn from it. Rational me says suck it up cupcake you got yourself into this and you are damn well capable of getting yourself out! These two have been battling it out in my head for about 2 weeks now. Sad smile

 

My point to all this is stress happens, there is no stopping it, things are going to come up. When this happens you have to keep yourself from slipping back to those old habits and  make this work for you. Like with food, healthy is not always fun and exciting eating; but it can be! You have to find ways to make it exciting and something you want. Like the oatmeal I have in the morning. Oatmeal can be boring and bland. Jazz it up! My favorite is apple cinnamon but if you toss in just a little fresh apple it suddenly transforms into a taste/texture that reminds me of apple pie (yumm). Find alternatives or things to tweak the boring so that you can do this every day.

 

Sometimes we need a little reminding that this does not have to be as hard as we make it out to be. Is it still hard sometimes, yep; Does it always have to be hard, NO! Last week I needed this reminder. Today I need this reminder. Find what works for you!

 

Peace, Love and Happy Blogging

M

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Kid tested and approved

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Last night was a sneak attack on the kid. I have been craving a vegie burger for some reason(even though I have never had one, lol) and wanted to try them for dinner. I knew that if I told her what we were really having she would turn her nose up, so mum was the word.

 

I decided on Boca Fire grilled vegi burgers. Problem one was the cooking instructions. I was not microwaving them for sure but I also did not want to pan fry them! I decided to toss them in the oven even though there were no oven directions. Ok time to pretend I know what im doing …humm, ok 400 sounds like a good temp, but for how long. I first decided on 30 minuets and figured I’d see how they were doing after that. I also decided to toss in a portabella mushroom I had left that needed to be cooked(you know in case the vegie burgers were nasty).

 

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It was a good thing I made all 4! About half way through eating I told Taylor they were vegie burgers. She said “I’m glad you didn’t tell me cause I would not have eaten them”…muahahaha exactly why I didn’t!

 

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Taste comparison:

 

The Vegie burger was much better than the portabella and had I not seen it or known it really tasted very much like a regular burger and cold have easily fooled me. My only complaint was that they were supper thin. Tay loved them so much she went back for seconds!

 

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The verdict:

 

Yumm! Give these a try for a much healthier alternative Smile 

 

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Peace, Love and Happy Blogging

M

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Dead end…

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Failure is a detour, not a dead-end street.
Zig Ziglar



Where will this journey take me? What am I doing to get there? These are questions we all have. As I look  back at where I was a year ago I find myself feeling frustrated. In January of 2010 I decided it was time to make some changes and began slowly working on myself. Last year at this time I had dropped right at 30 pounds since the first of the year. Here it is nearly a year later and I’m still right around that same place. This last year has been hell and full of emotion. I find myself ready to close this chapter in my life but still struggling to do so. You see last June was when I lost my Father. While we had a fairly good relationship the last couple years of his life this was a new thing and we were building it. Most of my life I had almost no relationship with him so It was quite shocking the level of emotions his death caused me. I have spent most of the last year dealing with depression leading up to the gd2011 and finally getting some professional help.

The combination of therapy and medication has left me feeling like a new person human again. I actually have energy for the first time in nearly 4 years since before my surgeries back in ‘07. I’m tired of being stagnant in this journey and find myself wishing I had made some of these changes months if not years ago. Fairy Godmother (my therapist) tells me that I was not ready before now for these changes. Part of me gets that, but part of me is also very angry that I have lost all this time feeling the way I did. So much has changed and changed me in these past few years, yet I still have so far to go.

When I find myself focusing to far out I also find myself feeling quite overwhelmed. I think many of us do this. We look at the big picture to much and don’t focus enough on the little things. I know when I think to big I forget to do the little things. I also tend to set these massive goals instead of mini goals that would leave me feeling much more accomplished. While I think its good to have an idea of where you want to go in the big picture, it’s those little accomplishments that really get you there. With some of the things going on that wont make it have yet to make it to blogger world I once again find myself a ball of emotions. I have many up’s and downs and struggle to stay within that equilibrium. I find those old habits creeping up on me and am having to fight a little harder to bat them away.

While last week I only got in two workouts the three days off in-between I now feel were actually really needed. I have been having  a lot of pain with my left knee. Prior to last week it would just come and go but last week it was constant and really concerning me. Thankfully by yesterday it was gone completely and even after 4 elliptical miles and 10 bike miles I still have no pain. This just goes to show that sometimes we need to listen to our body and take a break. I will see how it goes when I hit the trails tomorrow for an outside workout, hopefully the pain will not return.

This week I am focusing on the little things and getting back to basics …eat less, move more, drink lots of water. I have a new accountability partner Jaemie to help me fight. Hopefully we can keep each other on track this week! My journey will not be a dead end!

Peace, Love and Happy Blogging
M


ps….for those of you leaving me comment love I’m sorry If im not responding, currently I have limited internet access. I do get each of your comments on my phone though and read them all Smile thank you!

What are you fighting with ?

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I’m sure we have all heard that saying “You are what you eat”, well what do you eat, what are you?

Food is more than just something we consume that fills us up and provides energy. Depending on what we eat depends on what kind of energy we get. Consuming to much or too little can do major damage to our bodies. While not quite the instant effects of taking something like say heroine, over a fairly short amount of time the foods we eat can cause a big impact on our bodies. It’s amazing even when we think we are eating healthy the deficiencies in vital nutrients we can still leave our body with. Imagine how bad it is when we just eat junk. The problem here is it can be quite expensive to eat healthy. There is something seriously wrong when you can purchase 6 boxes of mac-n-cheese for less than what you pay for a bell pepper now. It is no wonder American’s are some of the fattest in the world.

That is just the financial side of eating healthy, then you throw in the emotional eating and things really get out of control. Most of us at one time or another as a child were told we needed to be a member of the clean plate club. When someone dies, gets married, has a party what do we do …we eat or bring food over. You’re sad, here let me bring you a casserole. Its no wonder many, many people associate food with happiness or love. This is defiantly something I myself struggle with. All my life food has been my comfort no matter what, that friend that wouldn’t leave me alone.

About 2 months ago I read Geneen Roth’s book, When food is love. This book seriously changed me and how I eat. (I know I know some of you are sick of hearing about it lol) My eating has not been an issue, I ate when I was hungry and felt true hunger for what I feel was one of the first times in my adult life. I started making healthier choices and craving things that were good for me. Life was grand. This book was not an instant fix though, or a permanent one. I still have to work at it. Last week instead of me working food, food worked me. My emotions got the best of me along with stress. Next thing I know I hear this little voice calling my name. Can you believe that I heard an Entemin’s cheese danish calling me all the way from the grocery store. It wasn’t even using a cell phone but kept saying …Misty oh Misty, come on you know you want to come buy me…Misty I’ll make you feel better. The damn thing just wouldn’t shut up. I broke, got in my car and went to bring it home….and then consumed about half of it that night.

This was the first time I had done something like this in a long long time. My stress has not lowered and wont till at least May 20th but for now I am back to controlling my food, not it controlling me. I decided to give #7daychip a try since I know I’ll have at least another 10 days of this stress. Today as I write this I’m about to start day 3, I'm fighting the battle with a huge ass salad and my new obsession ProBar Superfood Slam. Here is a picture because they are just that awesome! (It is a whole food, organic, raw, vegan, gluten free meal bar)

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What do you use to wage your battle against the food war?

Peace, Love and Happy Blogging
M

Saturday, May 14, 2011

What’s self love got to do with it…

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Withdrawal and projection are the natural outcomes of withholding. When you withhold, you keep inside yourself things that should be expressed. The very act of hiding these things takes you one step back from the relationship. A result of this withdrawal is that you will begin to project. In other words, you will begin to attribute to other people things that are actually issues of your own. 
Gay & Katie Hendricks Quotes from Conscious Loving

Have you ever sat and thought about if you truly love yourself or some days if you even like yourself? Probably not, this is one of those questions many of us try to avoid on this journey. There is usually some traumatic event or person from out past that made us not feel worthy of our own love. Even today we find ourselves still trying to please that person or hide from that life changing event to the point that we place blame solely on ourselves and withhold self love.

We keep our Mother, Father, Lover, Friend or Sibling high up on that pedestal because it would be selfish to put ourselves up there for once, right? Wrong! Sometimes we need to put ourselves first. We need to make ourselves a priority. Since I began this journey I have been working on doing this for myself. Not because I want to be selfish or others don’t matter but because for the first time I see that I matter. This has not gone over well with everyone and in fact led to the end of a long "friendship”. I put friendship in quotes because, really that is not what a friend is. A true friend or someone who really loves you and is there through thick and thin. They accept you for your shortcomings and understand when you need to do things for yourself and for once not put them first. If trying to work on me and better myself truly makes me selfish then so be it, I’m selfish.

As a self proclaimed people pleaser I sometimes forget that this is ok. That the people who truly love me will understand that Im taking time to work on me and support me while I’m doing it. Instead I worry about failure and what they will think if I don’t succeed. Really though if you cant love yourself and do whatever you need to do to be the best you those people are never going to really know the real you. You have to love and be happy with yourself before you can focus on making other’s happy.  

You are worth loving, I am worth loving. It dosent matter if we weigh 500 pounds or 120 pounds, look like a model or just the average Joe/Jane, tall, short…whatever we all deserve to have love in our lives, be loved and love ourselves.

Just some food for thought. What have you done to love yourself today?

Peace, Love and Happy Blogging
M

Finding Balance at 100

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Start living now. Stop saving the good china for that special occasion. Stop withholding your love until that special person materializes. Every day you are alive is a special occasion. Every minute, every breath, is a gift from God.
Mary Manin Morrissey

 

I knew that this was coming up and I have been excited. That is until it was here, this is Life Off the D List’s 100th post. I'm not quite sure why this post 100 is so daunting, it most certainly is not the end. Part of me feels like it should be this big wonderful post and the other part says its just a number. Well here it is, nothing spectacular or life changing…Just me trying to live life, Off the D List.

 

Right now I have some things going on that for now at least are not going to make it to blogger world. I’ll just say it is the result or consequence of gd2011 and has me stressed out to the max right now. What is going on will have a major effect on my life especially the next few months but also for the next few years. It will have an effect on my goals for the next few years and more than likely push those back a little more. I know this all seems cryptic but well, I’m just not ready to share it yet.

 

If I’m not going to give all the dirty details then why is it even worth mentioning, well because it is affecting this journey as well right now. I am really fighting not going into shutdown mode. I had the first binge/emotional eating session I have had in almost 2 months. I have only been to the gym once this week, which may have actually been somewhat a good thing with the knee pain I have been having. I have not been doing the little things like drinking my water that really add up and matter. I feel like I am at a point where some of you may look up to me and think I do this amazing job all the time because I can talk a good talk. I also feel  like I owe it to you but mostly myself to own this reality and these setbacks. I’m not perfect and never will be there is a reason this has to be a lifestyle and not just a “diet”. We are always going to have things that come up that are going to try and take us back to that place we used to be. While I have not gone into complete meltdown mode some of those old habits and feelings have crept back in this week. Will I ever truly get rid of them, who knows, but I sure as hell am going to try.

 

For me this Journey is about finding peace. Peace in my life and peace within myself. With all the death and tragedy of the past I need to find balance and heal. There is a definite correlation between this harmony and achieving my physical goals. When my mind is in a state of turmoil I find myself fighting doing the things that I KNOW make me feel better. I know I feel better when I eat good. I know I feel better when I get my water in. I know I feel better when I get in a good workout that day. I know that I feel better when I write. Again I ask why in the hell do I fight doing these things when I know they make me feel better both physically and emotionally. The only answer I can come up with that even remotely comes close is fear. Fear of change, of failure, of succeeding, fear. Humans fight change tooth and nail but as the saying goes “If you keep doing what your doing, your going to keep getting what you got”, or something like that.

 

If we aren't willing to change and sometimes accept the pain that comes with the process of changing then we aren’t going to find that new equilibrium. We have to be willing to put the hard work in, feel the pain and grow. It’s not always easy , heck most of the time its pretty damn hard but I can do it and I know you can to!

 

Peace, Love and Happy Blogging

M

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Life Happens

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Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.

Maria Robinson quotes

 

Last week did not go as planned at all. I only got in just over 1/3 of my planned miles. Yes I still did almost 11 miles and yes I'm bitching about 11 miles. (this still seems so odd, and funny to me) I had planned to do 30 miles last week with 5 days of training. I ended up only doing 3 days. One day was a total fail, which I now think may been foreshadowing to the stomach bug I developed a few days later…. 1.3 miles on that day is no where near giving it my all, but its all I had in me that day. Stress with some personal issues and school has also played into all of this but alas, excuses, excuses.

 

The good news was I still managed a loss and as of Sunday morning was Sitting at 197.8. This means nearly all of the gd2011(great depression 2011) weight I had put back on is gone, only about 5 pounds left. I'll take it! More importantly though I can physically see changes and I feel it.

 

Life happens. I had finals, got sick, got stressed out, got busy. While I wish I could go back and add in what I missed, it doesn't work that way. I still got in 2 good workouts, 1 attempted one, and had a loss which equals win in my book (or at least a tie). Onward and upward!

 

Goals for this week are slightly modified due to several days off and recent stomach bug. I would still like to put in at least 20 miles, hopefully a little more. I also want to focus on upping my water intake this week, I have been slacking off a bit.

 

Peace, Love and Happy Blogging

M

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Welcome to the circle of trust…

 

 

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So I’m sure you can tell, Life Off the D List had a facelift. It was time for something bright and cheerful! I personally think it is some awesomeness!

 

Tomorrow being mothers day the world is all a buzz with talk of Mom’s. I was primarily raised by my Grandmother (bouncing back and forth between her and my Mother) who has now been gone 9 years. Growing up with an alcoholic as a  Mother we did not have much of a relationship and my Grandmother was my saving grace. Before my Mom passed 7 years ago and after she got sober we ended up with the best relationship any Mother and Daughter could have. I miss these two women so much it hurts at times.

 

Over the past few years Mother’s day has turned into just another day for the most part for me. I just feel like since my daughter is not old enough to do much for me on her own that I don not need to do anything. I feel like its not about presents and that I can celebrate me any day. Yes I still think of my Mother and Grandmother a little more on those days, but I think of them most days to be honest. My daughter always brings me something cool home from school as a surprise that she has made, which I love. The last three years it has been some type of pottery she created, I love things like this I can keep forever! These little gifts are enough for me right now. 

 

Sometimes on this journey I want so badly to be able to just pick up the phone and call either of these people. I want to share my successes and be comforted in my failures. I have to find other sources for this. Most of my family I don’t see enough that they can provide this but I have found it through a few friends and the blogger/twitter community and with #priorfatpack. These people get it, they get excited over what is something tiny to someone who has never been where I am. I have come to truly care about people like Kris, Sabrina, Anda, Robby, Tara…ok the list goes on. Yes some people in my real life think I'm nuts for this, but these people know me and I know them. They get what this is all about and the struggles that come with it. They are in my Circle of Trust (think Meet the Parents).

 

This is not my first time venturing into friendships built through online communities. When I was going through my endometriosis diagnosis, all my surgeries and my daughters diabetes diagnosis met some of the best friends ever. Some of them are now in real life friends and one actually moved all the way from Ohio to NC. there is something to be said about having support that gets it, whatever it is. Its not about looking for someone to give you a pity party or just attention, its about understanding. It can be so much easier to talk about some things with people who have been there or are there.

 

Life is all about support, everyone needs it. If you don’t get it at home or with your family find it somewhere. I believe with the right support system, people who are not only willing to build you up but also call you on your shit when it’s needed, you can be so much more successful. People who can remain positive even when calling you on your shit. Often times these people have been my sanity. Thank you to all those who make up my support system, be you online or in real life.

 

Peace, Love and Happy Blogging

M

Friday, May 6, 2011

And the winner is….(Bondiband giveaway)

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And the Get your sweat on Bondiband giveaway Winner is……

AthleteComesBack

Athletecomesback please email me your shipping info and full name within 48 hours.

Thank you everyone for entering. Life Off the D list has some more exciting giveaways coming up in the near future so stay tuned!

Peace, Love and Happy Blogging
M

Thank you Bondiband for helping me with this awesome giveaway!
bondiband

How can I start

Vintage Image of the "We can do it!" Rosie the Riveter Poster by J Howard Miller

 

Earlier this week after one of my worst run’s ever at the gym(read 6 planned miles turned out to be only 1.5) I came home to a message on my facebook. I was truly flattered at this message. It is hard to believe that I have changed so much in this past year or so that someone wants my advice. This message is from a friend and fellow person with diabetes:

 

So I've been following your running adventures as statuses on FB... I gotta ask... I'm super out of shape since I have "benign sinus tachycardia". We're trying to get things figured out, and anyway - have you always been a runner, or did you just fairly recently get into it? If fairly recently, any suggestions on how I can get into it without the whole I suck, I can't do this, give up scenario coming into play? I used to jog a fair a

mount in high school and such, but honestly have been not very active at all since 2006 because of the sinus tachy stuff... I need to get off my ass and move once that's figured out... any brilliant starting out running tips?
Thanks!
Hope you had a good run today!

 

Here is what I had to say in return:

 

I am not actually a runner yet...but I will be ...my goal for this year was to complete a half marathon before my 30th bday in June. Complete, not run, I will run the next one. Considering I went from almost nothing of 3 or 4 miles on an elliptical to 13.1 the 4th of June and running all of it was just unrealistic. So right now I'm focusing on distance not speed. My suggestion is just start! you cant get there if you don't move...if you have access to a gym or elliptical or treadmill its a little easier and better on the ego starting there. Working on machines vs. outside are two different beast. I do about a 14 min. mile right now inside and 18-20 outside. there are lots of programs to help you get running like couch 2 5k (c25k) that build you up in short increments.


With diabetes of course make sure you pre-game so that you don't have a low. Although expensive as all get out I found out that cliff shot blocks work amazing ...I can pop one or 2 depending on my bg pre run and then 1 every 2-3 miles and stay pretty stable. I would recommend doing bg checks about every mile or 15min's at first ...then as you get used to what it will do to your bg you can adjust how often you do it.


Most importantly just remember that you have to start somewhere if you cant do much fine, build up, remember its an endurance sport. Start just trying to walk even for 30 min's...if that is to much try 20..whatever you need as a starting point is what you need...grow from there. I would also make sure that this is ok to start with your doctor and I find that If I go more than a couple days without doing something it sets me way back as far as building up endurance and speed.

 

This message came on a day when I really needed it. I have never given up on a run so much like that day but diabetes did play a little part in it. While I didn’t end up truly having a low at 1 mile in I felt my blood sugar dropping like a rock, I was sweating like I had done a half marathon and just feeling like crap in general. Part of this was my fault and poor planning on my part. I had not had much of a breakfast so I had tried to cheat the diabetes system. Although I had pre-gamed and should have been ok my body knew I only had fast acting carbs going and it was not going to sustain me for the 6 miles I had planned. I had a final that morning at school and was rushing just trying to get it in. Note to self: Fail to plan, plan to fail.

 

Peace, Love and Happy Blogging

M

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Somewhat Wordless Wednesday …

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Rainbow the day of my Father’s Funeral
daddy 001
Geese that followed me around the night of his passing
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My Daughter and Father

Peace, Love and Happy Blogging
M

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Like nailing Jell-O to a tree

 

Jack_fruit_tree_bark

Omnipod

 

Ok the good news is there is starting to be less of me…the bad news is this makes positioning my omnipod insulin pump interesting. If you don’t know what that is it’s a small somewhat egg shaped pod that I wear that gives me insulin. See you cant just wear this anywhere. There are certain places on your body you are supposed to wear it and then you also have to account for clothing anything else that might effect it.

 

pod

So not my stomach

 

Being round makes placement difficult, but so does becoming less round. As I get smaller things are migrating into that loose stage and shifting. This means my pod moves around more, which means its harder to keep it on and have it in a good spot. If it were winter I’d just wear it on my arms more but being the weather is getting warmer I really don’t like that option. Its not that I mind people looking or asking questions about the pod but my arms are one of my least favorite body parts. Wearing a pod there with a sleeveless or short sleeve would defiantly draw attention to this area. 

 

I guess this is just one more thing that is different about this journey when you involve type 1 diabetes. Time to work on toning some abs' !

 

Peace, Love and Happy Blogging

M

Monday, May 2, 2011

Changes have been made

funny scale
 
"The best changes often start as single, simple thoughts. Think big, and discover how to make your dreams real."
 
As usual this morning when I got up, after going to to the restroom, it was time to weigh in and see what was going on. I was a bit reluctant to do this considering my emotional weekend and the fact that I checked out of workouts for the weekend. I defiantly expected to either see no loss or a slight gain. Boy was I surprised! Whaaaat …let me get on this thing again. This thing starts with a 1 …ok one more time to make sure. No way…ok lets move it over here and make sure the scale is not just acting funny. (so need a new one mine will read different sometimes depending on if kid or animals have been on it)…Hell yea…ok while its only .4lbs into Onederland that number defiantly started with a 1 and not a 2! Now that’s what I’m talking about! This puts me at just over 5 lbs. lost over the past month. while I would like it to be just a little more than that I am ecstatic to see movement of the downward trend and I defiantly think there has been some muscle gain!
 
What was different about this past month, and especially this past weekend. Even with all the emotions I had going on I allowed myself to feel them, cry if I needed to and work through them. I didn’t use food to hide behind. Reading Geneen Roth’s book, “When Food is Love” (I know, I know, I have already mentioned this a few times) seriously changed me. While sometime It does take more thought and effort I am truly able to do mindful/intuitive eating. If I really really want something, I have it. The lack of guilt for having it does amazing things. I don’t feel the need to consume all I can, I have some and move on. Craving gone.
 
Ok, now to own up to what didn’t happen this weekend. On Thursday I tweeted that I was wrapping up my April #gothedist, finishing my last 4 miles. Well diabetes had other plans. I had taken my daughter with me to the park to scooter along but forgotten to turn her temporary basal on so she had a low. This meant I only got 2 miles in. Determined to get my 4 we headed just down the street to the gym to get the last 2 in. Things were going great I was kicking butt and taking names on the elliptical. I was already nice and warmed up having just done 2 miles outside so I was going a little harder than I normally do. Cut to my scheduled blood sugar check…78. This put a halt to things. I treated and considered waiting till it came back up high enough to get that last 3/4 of a mile in but decided that was a bad idea. Between my low and my daughters low I was out of fast acting carbs should I need to treat another low for either of us. This meant it was not safe even If I waited a little bit, for either of us. I figured I would just get that last little bit in Friday or Saturday. It didn’t happen, with finals my emotions go the best of me. I do a lot of walking at school so at first I just added in that .7 that I was missing to my #gothedist, I have since taken it back out. I have to own that deficit.
 
While no one would have been the wiser, I knew and that was not being honest with myself. I put in a total of   66 miles cumulatively in April so I will live with not having that last .7 miles. Half of those were only walk/run/elliptical the rest were a combination of bike and a little swimming. I can live with those numbers.
 
What has changed for you since you started your journey to a healthy lifestyle?
 
Peace, Love and Happy Blogging
M

The Countdown is on….

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Ok the countdown is on…I’m looking at 5 weeks left before my half and so far my longest distance is 7 miles. Its time to step it up a notch. This is part of a training schedule I found online and somewhat close what I have already been doing with the exception for the longer run days. Being that I am already planning on walking for the most part not running I will be making some small adjustments, especially depending on how my knee is feeling.
Mon. Tues. Wed. Thurs. Fri. Sat. Sun.
week 5 4 7 4 off 5 10 off
week 4 4 6 4 off 3 11 off
week 3 4 5 4 off 4 12 off
week 2 4 5 4 off 3 6 off
race 3 5 3 off 2 13.1 129.1
Wow that total there on this training schedule looks very daunting: 129.1 miles! right now my #gothedist goal for May is set at 80 run/walk/elliptical miles. As long as I keep my 5 day a week schedule going this should be no problem. I have some bike miles planned in case my knee gets to bothering me to much, but I hope to do most of these outdoors!

I hope everyone has a fantastic week, wish me luck I have finals Sad smile

Peace, Love and Happy Blogging
M
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