Sunday, May 15, 2011

Dead end…

011

Failure is a detour, not a dead-end street.
Zig Ziglar



Where will this journey take me? What am I doing to get there? These are questions we all have. As I look  back at where I was a year ago I find myself feeling frustrated. In January of 2010 I decided it was time to make some changes and began slowly working on myself. Last year at this time I had dropped right at 30 pounds since the first of the year. Here it is nearly a year later and I’m still right around that same place. This last year has been hell and full of emotion. I find myself ready to close this chapter in my life but still struggling to do so. You see last June was when I lost my Father. While we had a fairly good relationship the last couple years of his life this was a new thing and we were building it. Most of my life I had almost no relationship with him so It was quite shocking the level of emotions his death caused me. I have spent most of the last year dealing with depression leading up to the gd2011 and finally getting some professional help.

The combination of therapy and medication has left me feeling like a new person human again. I actually have energy for the first time in nearly 4 years since before my surgeries back in ‘07. I’m tired of being stagnant in this journey and find myself wishing I had made some of these changes months if not years ago. Fairy Godmother (my therapist) tells me that I was not ready before now for these changes. Part of me gets that, but part of me is also very angry that I have lost all this time feeling the way I did. So much has changed and changed me in these past few years, yet I still have so far to go.

When I find myself focusing to far out I also find myself feeling quite overwhelmed. I think many of us do this. We look at the big picture to much and don’t focus enough on the little things. I know when I think to big I forget to do the little things. I also tend to set these massive goals instead of mini goals that would leave me feeling much more accomplished. While I think its good to have an idea of where you want to go in the big picture, it’s those little accomplishments that really get you there. With some of the things going on that wont make it have yet to make it to blogger world I once again find myself a ball of emotions. I have many up’s and downs and struggle to stay within that equilibrium. I find those old habits creeping up on me and am having to fight a little harder to bat them away.

While last week I only got in two workouts the three days off in-between I now feel were actually really needed. I have been having  a lot of pain with my left knee. Prior to last week it would just come and go but last week it was constant and really concerning me. Thankfully by yesterday it was gone completely and even after 4 elliptical miles and 10 bike miles I still have no pain. This just goes to show that sometimes we need to listen to our body and take a break. I will see how it goes when I hit the trails tomorrow for an outside workout, hopefully the pain will not return.

This week I am focusing on the little things and getting back to basics …eat less, move more, drink lots of water. I have a new accountability partner Jaemie to help me fight. Hopefully we can keep each other on track this week! My journey will not be a dead end!

Peace, Love and Happy Blogging
M


ps….for those of you leaving me comment love I’m sorry If im not responding, currently I have limited internet access. I do get each of your comments on my phone though and read them all Smile thank you!

3 comments:

  1. I left you comment love after you left a note on my page this AM. Try a gel seat. Some gyms keep them for the spin class.

    First you need to recover from that knee injury. Dont think of it as failure. Failure is not an option! Its a detour and you can make the best of it! Trust me. Been there. Sounds like you have a good plan.

    ReplyDelete
  2. thanks I will have to check into that!

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  3. Make sure you let that knee heal, your off to a good start with your new routine you can do it :)

    ReplyDelete

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