Start living now. Stop saving the good china for that special occasion. Stop withholding your love until that special person materializes. Every day you are alive is a special occasion. Every minute, every breath, is a gift from God.
Mary Manin Morrissey
I knew that this was coming up and I have been excited. That is until it was here, this is Life Off the D List’s 100th post. I'm not quite sure why this post 100 is so daunting, it most certainly is not the end. Part of me feels like it should be this big wonderful post and the other part says its just a number. Well here it is, nothing spectacular or life changing…Just me trying to live life, Off the D List.
Right now I have some things going on that for now at least are not going to make it to blogger world. I’ll just say it is the result or consequence of gd2011 and has me stressed out to the max right now. What is going on will have a major effect on my life especially the next few months but also for the next few years. It will have an effect on my goals for the next few years and more than likely push those back a little more. I know this all seems cryptic but well, I’m just not ready to share it yet.
If I’m not going to give all the dirty details then why is it even worth mentioning, well because it is affecting this journey as well right now. I am really fighting not going into shutdown mode. I had the first binge/emotional eating session I have had in almost 2 months. I have only been to the gym once this week, which may have actually been somewhat a good thing with the knee pain I have been having. I have not been doing the little things like drinking my water that really add up and matter. I feel like I am at a point where some of you may look up to me and think I do this amazing job all the time because I can talk a good talk. I also feel like I owe it to you but mostly myself to own this reality and these setbacks. I’m not perfect and never will be there is a reason this has to be a lifestyle and not just a “diet”. We are always going to have things that come up that are going to try and take us back to that place we used to be. While I have not gone into complete meltdown mode some of those old habits and feelings have crept back in this week. Will I ever truly get rid of them, who knows, but I sure as hell am going to try.
For me this Journey is about finding peace. Peace in my life and peace within myself. With all the death and tragedy of the past I need to find balance and heal. There is a definite correlation between this harmony and achieving my physical goals. When my mind is in a state of turmoil I find myself fighting doing the things that I KNOW make me feel better. I know I feel better when I eat good. I know I feel better when I get my water in. I know I feel better when I get in a good workout that day. I know that I feel better when I write. Again I ask why in the hell do I fight doing these things when I know they make me feel better both physically and emotionally. The only answer I can come up with that even remotely comes close is fear. Fear of change, of failure, of succeeding, fear. Humans fight change tooth and nail but as the saying goes “If you keep doing what your doing, your going to keep getting what you got”, or something like that.
If we aren't willing to change and sometimes accept the pain that comes with the process of changing then we aren’t going to find that new equilibrium. We have to be willing to put the hard work in, feel the pain and grow. It’s not always easy , heck most of the time its pretty damn hard but I can do it and I know you can to!
Peace, Love and Happy Blogging