Don't run through life so fast that you forget not only where you've been, but also where you're going. Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way.
Lately I have been doing what I like to call my version of mindful eating. A few weeks back before I had started therapy again I was doing some serious emotional eating again resulting in some serious guilt and giving food all my power. Within 2-3 weeks I went from playing around in the 190’s to creeping up back to the 200 mark, surpassing it and seeing 206 again. While waiting on my first therapy session the following week I decided that instead of feeling guilty over what I was eating and why that I was going to let myself have what my body felt I needed. If it was a bunch of comfort foods so be it. I was hurting and food was my old friend I knew I could count on to help me make it to that first therapy session. Now don’t get to excited im not recommending this but this is what I felt like I needed to do right then. The difference with me was I was doing this consciously, If I felt like I needed chocolate I would acknowledge that, feel that and let myself have it while thinking about why I wanted it.
During this time I was also reading When Food is Love by Geneen Roth (her books are amazing if you haven't read them) which talks about why and how we eat emotionally. I cried through the first half of this book while reading about her childhood and relationships. While they were not my exact experiences they brought up some very painful memories that needed to be healed. It took me to that time when I was a child and my association with food as love began. When my parents separated, when my mother stayed drunk all the time, when my friends brother took advantage of me, when my father forgot my birthday. The strange thing was though that in allowing myself to have what my body craved and thought it needed during this time instead of completely binging on everything the binges subsided for the most part. I did not gain back every pound I had lost.
While I had now started my therapy sessions and have made the decision that I need medication right now with my therapist and doctor I was still doing this mindful eating thing. I have noticed that I am craving less the “junk” and wanting the healthy choices again. Before doing this I would have felt guilty over the huge salad’s I have had this weekend. Guilty, over a salad ..what kind of sense does that make unless of course your loading them up with cheese, bacon and ranch dressing. A salad. A salad with lot’s of veggies, guilty. A salad that is packed full of nutrients my body needs that was the size of a huge cooking bowl would have had that much negative thinking. Instead I was hungry, ate and enjoyed my huge salad and acknowledged that I was providing my body with things that gave me all the nutrients I needed to not only keep me full but give me the energy for things like swimming laps or running 5 miles like I did this weekend. I was still having a hard time not tracking things though and have ended up tracking these past couple days. I have been tracking, though less for my calorie count and more to see how much of my recommended daily nutrients I was getting.
Sunday for example, yes I went over my target calories for the day by a little over 100 extra but I also had an 800 calorie burn that those calories had sustained me through. Now im not saying I can just go crazy and go way over, everything in moderation. Sunday though I needed that little extra. I am actually loosing some of the weight I had gained back a little at a time so for now this is working for me although they say when you first start doing mindful eating not to look at the scale, look at how you feel. I feel amazing.
Two Fit Chicks Intuitive eating episode:
Peace, Love and Happy Blogging