Monday, June 20, 2011

Tattered Dreams



“Shoot for the moon, Even if you fail
you will land among the stars”

As we dream, often our dreams change. Mine do anyways. I tend to have big, in the eyes of some, unattainable dreams. Often I do not reach my initial goals. Life happens, they become tattered and form into new dreams. Does this mean I have failed? I say no. Our dreams grow with us as we grow and change. What we initially thought we wanted may not have been what we needed. While I am great at refocusing my dreams and often change them (true Gemini at heart) sometimes when I focused to much on the tree to see the forest this can be discouraging.

Life is going to happen whether you want it to or not. Things will always come up, especially in my life. Some things I bring on myself, some result at no fault of my own. There is no one right path, what matters is that you keep moving. Lately I have felt stagnant at least in the physical part of my journey. I have found myself tired of trying so hard, tired of eat this not that, going to the gym, staying motivated period. This is exactly why this journey has to be a life style change, there are no quick fixes. I feel like I am waging war on my emotions, a war that I am determined to win. In working on healing myself naturally things are coming out that I have worked years to push down into that deep dark hole that lies within me. Like I said in my last post, I feel like I am at an impasse where I have to decide what is really important and how much I am willing to work for it. I do feel that I know what I want but yet I am still struggling. What does this mean? Am I being to hard on myself, not hard enough? Have I set the bar to high yet again? I’m figuring it out along the way.

Fairy godmother likes to remind me of how much I truly am handling all the time, every day. Not as a way to give me excuses; but as a way to remind me how truly strong I am. I often forget how strong I can be in the midst of daily life. Sometimes I swear if I hear that saying “God dosent give us more than we are strong enough to handle” one more time I will scream. Some days I just want to yell back at God and ask “Just how strong do I have to be"”? I really hate that saying some days.

Thankfully I have the great therapist that is Fairy Godmother. I also have some great friends and things like the #priorfatpack and a few family members to keep me going on the hardest of days. There have been lots of hard days here lately on and off the past few months, really the last year. My life has changed so much in the last year, 3 years, 10 years. I guess its hitting the big threeOH that is causing me to reflect so much on things that were and might have been. I have also been reflecting on things that can and will be. I still know the path ahead of me will not be an easy one. Nothing in my life or worth having comes easy, but I can take my tattered dreams and spin them into silver and gold.

Peace, Love and Happy Blogging
M

3 comments:

  1. I hate to hear you are struggling, Misty. I suppose we all struggle; differently, sure. But we all struggle with some or many things. And I suppose the difference in success and failure is how we handle our struggles. Your last line speaks volumes, "...I can take my tattered dreams and spin them into silver and gold!" That's the spirit of a winner! With much determination, anything is possible -- you can obtain your dreams; go for them! Perhaps it can help to think of the "struggles" as "challenges," instead, if you are a person driven to overcome challenges. I'm working to overcome a big challenge currently, and know that we all do so differently. But together we can do this! Go for the gold!!!

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  2. I feel we may be on the same page...I am in the middle of writing a blog post about dealing with some issues myself. Hang in there sometimes the realization that this journey is forever is a hard one.

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  3. Thanks Momma Hunt some times its just go with the flow sometimes it's one day at a time sometimes it is one hour at a time the thing that matters is you keep going

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